They are insecure. That cant take care of this wild monster on their own. what have they become? Cheap threats down grade their respect as i spread the truth of their words. "i will send you far away and its gonna be the last time you will see or hear from me" is that the greatest way to deal with a problem. Flee from a young girl with wild thoughts which make her heart race in the middle of the night guns appear in her hand as she sways to the beat of the drug she has just experienced. The puff of this magical smoke she calls her only friend, she buries her dreams tonight under the ground as she creeps with her secrets which flow through the rivers of blood. Each night a new adventure to put her pity life in the fiery pits of hell. Now the spice appears with this new life she lives. No one knows how she smiles with this bland life she says she lives every day in and out. They find out how my heart beats and my laughter is brought. My darkness gets lights shone on it. Sad how i become the monster in ever wrong thing that happens to me and i do. Its ok thought the bomb of misery will soon hit and shine the truth which needs to be held up in the middle of the fresh winter sky and shine. My darkness now has light. What a pity? Their poison will bite at them soon.

she offers me escape

My beauty and joy has now left me. Holding each other close like there is no fuck in the world. The asphalt burns the palms of my feet but all im feeling is the one in my arms. Tears are overwhelming our vision and now our blurry site turns in to our fair well, good byes. The test now begins. "Everything happens for a reason," her saying which she uses quite often. It is now imbedded in my mind that this "trip" of hers will make her come home soon. 

Summer has come and gone with emotions of every sort. But this feeling which is stuck on my heart right now has not been felt since the last disaster. Im not sad, mad, or lonely. Im just waiting. Waiting for another day to surprise me with happiness and reality shielded away for crack pipe way. Today is the day i anticipated and now look at me, I'm bathing in my own tears rocking myself back and forth so the crying comes down to a hush. Tried to reach out for some help but that fails as usual. The only one who helped is now gone. 

The one whom i always ask for advice; he plays with my mind and she always tells me that his intentions are dishonorable. I choose to ignore and believe he's better than the man he portrays himself as. His friends and family says he's "quite the man hoe," but hey everyone in this society gets reputations which don't fit the person. Im hooked like a fish, and he knows it. "He takes advantage of you," she tries to make me understand. But i still see more in him than what he shows. Im just waiting for him to let down his guard and untie his mask. 

My angel introduced me to this man with no hope. He wasn't always like this, people change as they grow. He just changes with trends but not with his type. I still put my hope and compassion to him but now my test is to live for her and myself. Try to care for myself and not hurt me in the process as my actions always turn me to. 

She's looking out for me as i am for her. This new chapter of my life has opened but its shit scary to leave behind a man in the battle field. This time i wont take love for granted and will show that i am putting my everything into her. My living soul across the atlantic. 

my love hates my fate

Why is it that each year i somehow tend to fuck up? This time i haven't even done wrong but yet i am still trapped in the same god forsaken trap called my "home". This home has made many of us run away, go crazy, and die. Each day I die a little more on the inside looking how my mother has set her life to be alone and my sister who cant afford enough for a loan. She eats off the true life line waiting for the inheritance to shower her. I just lie here dead but somehow im on the wall. I cant control my mean thoughts which have changed me. I need a clean slate in this society which has been built upon hate. I now cant even see how this fate will make my life someday great. Why cant i live alone, die alone, and love alone? How have we lived when we havent even opened our eyes. 

letter to you

Hi,

My name is Kirpa. If you dont remember we met February 4th 2001. You didnt really know who i was, and i was definitely clueless about you. My birthday on the train through Sunols beautiful mountain tops is where we first met. I found out that we were suppose to be friends, weeks later as you showed up at my house randomly with you sister and parents. Weird how things have changed but thats how we started off. You were a troubled mind with knifes... LOL... ok not troubled but you were a boy and i was some what of a girl. You always made fun of me and I tried to laugh at myself. But as we grew we laughed together. I really was a tough one to get along with. I hit you in the head with a golf club and gave you stitches but even after that you considered me as a friend. We began getting interested with each other by holding hands or touching each other in quiet movements. I would flirt and you smiled back. Our start was so simple and beautifully innocent. As i was introduced to a new world our worlds collided. I was finally old enough to "hang" with you. Mixtapes, movies, jackass shows came my way and i loved every bit of it. Our first step towards something other than friendhsip was our night at the movies, Norbit was the name of that retched movie.  KP joined us in that soundful hall of idots. Even though the hall was filled with noise it was so quiet between us. We would occasionally share glacnces and shyly move away. Our movements were suttle, and as i gentley layed my head upon your shoulder your body gave me warmth. I remember very well while the crowd laughed noisfully you looked at me and asked me if i would be your girl. Being scared and shocked i looked away and pretended like i didnt hear. My world had just been lifted up to heaven but i shot it down  as i shot you down. Months after, you brought up the courage to ask me again we became extrememly fond of each other and talked for hours on the phone. One night (april 5th) while we talked about our dreams you recited a poem and asked me if i would be your girl. My world was already heaven and now i was infinite. I never had a boy who liked me as much as i liked him. I never thought of myself as a pretty girl. He saw something else in me. We were a couple and everything in my life couldnt have been any better. Two nights after you aksed me i was finally going to meet my "boyfriend". Every sudden move which happened was history. First kiss, touch, and hold. As i experienced my first kiss the witnesses around where shocked and were suspected to case trouble in the future. We were over welmed by the young love. As we both grew older conflicts in my mind got to me and we broke off for stupid reasons and fights numerous times. We were frustrated but very much in love. I loved you more than anything or one in this world. But our lifes were about to ride the rollercoaster of hell. We were angry with each other and things were said which shouldnt have had been said. You made school for me a living hell and i broke your heart. In the end we finally left each other and i am the one with a broken heart. Our path in life have made us choose difficult decisions. We thought we were mature enought to love and cherish each other but i guess we were wrong. I loved you and trusted you with life but maybe i shouldnt have.I know now not to put my trust in people and love with an open heart. Hopefully one day i will see you walking down the road as we are older. I will smile and enjoy your presence as you once enjoyed mine. I am complete because i know what we had was pure and no one can change that. See you some sunny day.

Street Lights

At night the most amazing things happen. Love blossoms, late night adventures, and new beginnings. Some say love is the strongest bond. I don't doubt it but i believe friendship is. When i was down in the dumbs heart broken and alone a good friend of mine gave me a night to remember. Crazy car rides, many trips to Safeway, and TP ing. Well i feel like friendship is the path to love since it should go hand in hand. You should be friendly with the one you love and you should love the one you are friends with. I just cant explain myself though. The hardest thing i've had to do is walk away from many great friends whom wanted more. This time i'm the one whose looking the way they are. Their helping hand has given me a chance to move on but now i have the chance to move i have no where to go. The problem with love is that it keeps you incomplete and you can never run away from that because that incompleteness is everywhere, all around you, all the time. 

lost

Have you ever felt lost? Everyone takes for granted what they have. My problem was i had the best thing which possibly could fall im my arms which i took for granted and now im alone and cold. This person was my god, life, world everything you could think about. Everything i had went into this person and when things broke off i was nothing. Since there was literally nothing left in me and i guess thats my fault. I should have had worked harder. Im pathetic because i will always be waiting for him even if i have to wait forever. Hes all i really got and now im alone. Take some advice from me just who ever you have hold on to them and make them feel how they make you feel. Even if you know that they are your everything make sure they know. Try not to hurt yourself and wait around because there are so many more fish in the sea. I know its such a stupid thing to say but there are but my fish has gone away and i cant get another one. If your in this situation all i can say is have an amazing imagination, drugs, and sleep can cure this. If you love someone just dont let them go though.